


Amends

by SteelyM



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Family Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-07-16 00:18:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16074404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SteelyM/pseuds/SteelyM
Summary: I always wished that there had been more of a payoff between Killian and David after everyone's reunion in 6X17, "Awake."  Here is my imagined missing scene, in which Emma encourages Killian to get the weight of his guilt off his chest by talking to David about his father's murder.





	Amends

The din from the large crowd at Granny's was particularly loud and muddled as Killian half paid attention to the conversation in which he was ostensibly a participant. Henry was excitedly recounting the events of the day to his grandparents, who had been unconscious for most of the action, as Emma and Regina looked on with amusement.

Emma had an arm around Killian's waist. The two of them were pressed together tightly, leaning against the same barstool. She hadn't stopped touching him for more than a few minutes at a time since their reunion in Neverland and then the loft, and he appreciated the comfort that she gave him. For even though his heart was full of joy at their engagement and leapt every time he caught his fiancee smiling down at the ring on her finger and then back up at him, his stomach was uneasy and full of guilt.

Occasionally, Killian would sneak a glance at the source of his guilt, David Nolan, his future father-in-law, who stood across from them with his arm similarly wrapped around Emma's mother. David and Snow had endured their own separation for even longer than Killian and Emma had, and their relief at being reunited shone on both of their faces.

“Ugh,” he heard Emma interject when Henry got to the part of the story where she came to rescue Killian in Neverland. “Those brats were ready to burn him at the stake! They've actually gotten worse since we left, right Killian?”

She nudged him a little with her hip, encouraging him to join in the conversation. Of course his Emma would sense his uneasiness at the gathering; at what remained unspoken between him and her father.

“Aye, they were monstrous,” he agreed. His voice came out raspy. He realized that hadn't spoken in a while. “I managed to break free of my bindings just as Emma's doorway appeared. With everything going on, that she was able to find me and get to me....” he trailed off, suddenly overcome with emotion at the gratitude he felt for her, for all of them.

Henry saved him by continuing his recap, and Killian listened as the boy recounted how Regina had come up with the plan to have everyone drink a bit of the sleeping potion in the hope that the diluted curse wouldn't be strong enough to keep the Nolans under its power.

“Wow,” Snow replied to Henry. Then, addressing Regina, she asked, “How sure were you that it was going to work?”

Regina shrugged and seemed to consider it. “Maybe seventy percent sure? Anyway, I was relieved when Hook offered to be the guinea pig and take the first sip. If he collapsed in a heap or choked to death, no big loss!”

The group chuckled. They were used to Regina's digs at him. The hypocrisy of it didn't bother Killian. He had always just chalked it up to being the former queen's way of deflecting her own self-hatred outward. However, he felt Emma squeeze his side a little more tightly, and he looked down to see a frown touch her lips.

Maybe Regina's gibes _did_ bother someone.

He squeezed her back as Henry finished the story. Killian was tired. He wanted nothing more than to go home with Emma and hold her in their bed, but his mind and his gut were still uneasy. There was something unfinished; something he needed to do before he could enjoy the comforts of home.

He must have tensed up, because Emma released her grip slightly and stood up straight. She gently pulled him away from their barstool and towards the front door of the diner and out of earshot of her family. She looked up at him and studied his face for a moment before saying, “Just go talk to him. Go in the back, or outside, and tell him how you feel. You'll both feel better after you talk through it.”

He couldn't help but look back towards the crowd at David as she spoke, and David sensed his glance and looked over to meet his eyes. David didn't smile, but his expression was not hard or angry.

“Aye, love,” he said finally to Emma, looking back down at her and mustering a small smile that probably looked more like a grimace.

It wasn't good enough for his love, though. Before he could move away, she placed her hands on either side of his face. He felt the hard, cool pressure of her engagement ring against his right cheek.

“Hey,” she said. “He will forgive you. We will move past this. Nothing has changed between you and me.   _Nothing_.  I cannot wait to marry you.”

He nodded once, and she let him go. She stepped away to help her mother, who had sat down at a table to give Neal a bottle.

When Killian approached David, the prince seemed to be expecting him.

“I wonder if we might have a word outside,” Killian said.

“Of course,” David replied, not unkindly. “Lead the way.”

Killian walked out the front door and down the steps with David at his heels. Granny had a few tables set up on the patio to his right. There weren't as many now as there would be when the weather got warmer, but there were a handful. He stepped towards one in the middle of the patio, hopefully out of earshot of anyone that would be entering or leaving the diner. He purposefully avoided _their_ table, his and Emma's. The place where they had been sitting on a night he made another confession, one that led to an earth-moving kiss and changed his life for the better. He didn't want to sit there and risk tainting that memory with this one.

He pulled out a chair and looked expectantly at David, respectfully waiting for him to do the same and sit. David nodded slightly and smiled as he sat down across from Killian at the small circular table, and Killian sat as well.

Killian took a breath and began.

“David, I know that there isn't anything I can do, no apology that I can make that will bring your father back to you. I was heartless and cruel, and I stole your chance at having a happy childhood with your father at home. All I can say now is that I am truly sorry. I would give anything to take it back.”

“When did you realize that you'd done it?” David replied, his eyes darting back and forth as he seemed to ponder the events leading to this moment. “You didn't know, that day we were working together to find out who killed him.”

It was a statement, not a question, and Killian appreciated that.

“No, I didn't know. I only realized that night. August came to the house and gave me the missing pages depicting the night your father went searching for your brother. When I read them and looked at the illustration of your father, that's when I realized that he had been the prisoner I had come upon on that road. The man I had murdered to make sure there was no witness to my robbery and murder of the King's guards.”

David's eyes went distant for a moment, as if he was picturing his poor father on that dark road. Maybe later he would have questions about how it had happened, but he focused now on the more recent actions of his friend. His eyes cleared and he studied Killian's face. “And, once you realized, you didn't tell anyone,” he said, his voice betraying his emotions.

Killian looked down at the table in shame. He thought about that night, after he'd realized that he'd murdered David's father for no other reason than it was the most convenient choice for him, even after the man swore that he would not talk of Killian's crime and that he just wanted to return to his family.

The night he had learned the truth from the storybook pages, Killian had sat awake on the couch after a movie had ended and Henry had gone to bed. Emma had fallen asleep with her head on a pillow in his lap, and he'd sat there for hours, stroking her hair. He had hated fate, hated himself, and hated that he had grown so complacent in his wonderful life that the fact that he was about to lose it had shaken him to the core.

The fact that he had been unable to deny himself the small comfort of the touch of Emma's hair made him hate himself all the more.

He began to rot on the inside that night. He drank to numb the pain, but it only served to speed up the decay that his guilt was causing. He knew that the only way to stop the rot was to confess the truth to Emma and David, but every time he got close to doing so, he was cowed by the brilliance of Emma's happiness. “How could I snuff out the light of her joy?” he would ask himself, knowing that it was just an excuse, and that he couldn't run from the truth forever. When it finally caught him, he nearly lost her forever.

He had to try to explain all this to David.

“I didn't tell anyone,” Killian acknowledged finally. “There is no excuse for that. But Emma was so happy, and the idea of shattering that with this revelation. The thought of seeing the light go out of her eyes when I told her...I was too weak. I tried to bury it, and of course I got caught.”

“And that's when you left?” David asked.

“That's when I _considered_ leaving. I thought that a journey on The Nautilus might help me find my way as it had for others before me, but ultimately, I decided to stay and face the truth. But then Gideon...”

“Right,” David replied. “He banished you.”

“Aye,” he said.

He studied David, but the man's face was still unreadable, so Killian decided to get everything off his chest.

“Look, David,” he began, “I've been alive a long, long time. I spent most of that time in a haze of rum and hatred. I was a coward, numbing the pain by living selfishly for my revenge and the vulgar indulgences of a pirate's life. I especially resented anyone or anything that reminded me of family. My own father left me when I was a boy, and the idea that I took your father from you...that I could have prevented your own lifetime of loss and abandonment. It sickens me. You deserved so much better. You _deserve_ so much better. You have been gracious tonight in saying that you believe I have changed, but I will understand if you can no longer welcome me into your family.”

That seemed to break through David's contemplative state. Now, David looked at Killian, really looked at him, with something like shock.

“Why would I do that?” the prince asked. “No matter what's happened, how could I ever do that to Emma? After what her life has been like? The way that her mother and _I_ have let her down over the years?”

At Killian's look, David continued, “Come on, you know it's true. We chose the kingdom, the town over her. We kept the secret about what we did to Maleficent. I can't let her down again by refusing to forgive you.”

“I can understand that,” Killian replied. “But it feels like too much to ask that I should be seated at your table, that you would have to stand by and watch me marry your daughter.”

“Killian, we all have pasts, and yours was no secret. But as much as this hurts, I do know that you've changed. You're not that man anymore.”

Killian found himself unable to meet David's eyes again. They always said that: “Not that man anymore.”

He himself even said it from time to time. But it always felt like a cheap, false statement. Of course he was that man. He had the same mind, the same memories, even the same heart. Just because he'd been gifted with true love and chosen light instead of darkness didn't mean he was a _completely_ different person. He had been capable of terrible things.

He had to live with that every day for the rest of his life.

“Hey,” David said, and it was an order that Killian return his attention to his future father-in-law. “Finding out your secret hurt like hell, don't get me wrong. But remember, while you were gone, I had a few days to process the information. At the same time, I watched Emma fight to get you back and I made sure she knew that I believed you were fighting just as hard to get back to her. She was going through hell, but she _won._ We're awake. She got you back.”

“She's so strong,” Killian whispered.

“She is, but you help make her strong. You have believed in her and been there for her in ways that nobody else in her life ever has. She depends on the strength she gets from you more than she depends on anyone else, and it's not even close. And what about what you've done for me? Saving my life in Neverland when you barely knew me? Saving my family over and over again? It was just days ago that you stopped me from making a terrible mistake with King George. I would have hated myself for that, but you stopped me. When we first met, I never would have believed that it was possible, but you have become my very best friend.”

Killian felt his heart lighten at David's words, and tears sprung to his eyes. He saw a similar shine in the blue eyes of his friend.

“This situation is awful,” David continued. “It's unfair, and I wish to God it weren't true. But we can't change it now. All we can do is try to move forward.”

Killian studied the sincerity in his friend's face. David believed that he deserved this forgiveness; this compassion. Killian would accept it, for Emma, for David, for all of them. But he vowed to himself that he would never stop trying to earn it. That he would be the best man that he could be for his future wife and their family.

He was fortunate to have the perfect role model right in front of him.

“Thank you,” Killian said finally. “Being accepted as part of your family has been the greatest honor of my life. I know I can never make up for what I did, but I promise to do right by Emma and all of you for as long as I live.”

David nodded, and Killian noticed the shine was still in his eyes. Finally, he stood, and Killian did the same.

Killian glanced towards the restaurant and noticed Emma watching them from behind Granny's front door. David followed his look and smiled when he spotted his daughter. He gave Emma a small smile and a playful thumbs up.

Emma smiled, and as usual, it eased some of the burden on Killian's heart.

“Shall we adjourn?” Killian said.

“Let's do it,” David replied.

They walked together to the path that led to the front steps just as Emma opened the door and descended towards them.

“Hey,” she said, moving close to Killian's side and taking his arm. He delighted in the notion that she would have no reason, and hopefully no desire, to ever stop touching him.

“So, Killian, Henry's going to stay at Regina's,” Emma told them. “I made your goodbyes for you, so we can head home. Dad, I think Mom's ready to go, too.”

“Okay, I'll go gather them up and say my goodnights,” David replied.

“David?” Killian said before the man could leave.

Killian's words caught in his throat as the bigger man turned back toward him. Killian was suddenly struck by the feeling that he was looking at Liam; his older brother, who was so much taller than Killian, with fair hair like David. So often in their years together, Liam had looked down on Killian with judgment, with disappointment, both of which Killian had usually earned.

But now, despite everything, Killian saw neither of those things in David's eyes, only a tired sort of affection and understanding.

“Thank you,” Killian said finally, managing to speak firmly and clearly despite his emotions.

David smiled that winning smile of his and nodded. “See you guys tomorrow,” he said and then headed inside.

When David was gone, Emma quietly took Killian's hand and the two strode slowly down the front walk towards the street where Emma's car was parked. When they got to the sidewalk, she turned to face him.

“Better?” she asked softly.

“Aye,” he replied. “Your father is...” he took a breath to control his emotions before he could continue. “One of the best men that I've ever known.”

Emma smiled, and her eyes were alight with happiness and relief. “He is pretty great, isn't he?”

She began to move towards her parked car, but Killian gently took her hand so that she turned back to face him. He had something he needed to say to her.

“Swan,” he began. “I feel I must apologize to you again as well. I kept a secret, because I thought what I had done was unforgivable. I should have known better. I should have had more faith in your capacity for understanding, and for mercy.”

His breath hitched as he said the last word. She squeezed his hand even tighter and moved closer to him. Her eyes were wet with tears now too, and her voice was raspy as she spoke.

“Killian, it's okay. But it's true, I _know_ you. And I know that there is nothing you could have done, nothing you would do that could ever make me stop loving you. You can be honest with me, always. Whatever comes up, we'll deal with it together.”

She paused and stole a glance at the dark street on which, early in their relationship, they had once shared a deep and thrilling kiss.

She smiled a mischievous smile. “Anyway, I can't lose you,” she said, releasing his hand and putting her arms around his neck.

He could take a hint. He took her in his arms, pressing her against him. Her breath hitched in the most wonderful way, and he smiled as he leaned down and kissed her, slowly, deeply; pouring into it every ounce of the love, passion, and gratitude that he felt for her.

When they finally pulled apart, distracted by other patrons leaving Granny's, Emma leaned back in immediately. Her hot breath tickled his ear, giving him goosebumps, as she whispered, “Let's go home.”

So they did.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
